Brisbane, Queensland

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Hands down the most boring city I've ever visited. No culture, no identity, nothing. A river, some buildings, some shops, some lights, a good library, that's it. Sorry if I've offended anyone who lives there (? - pretty sure this blog's readership isn't that wide).

So dull I fell asleep for three hours in the hostel lounge. In the middle of the afternoon.



Snooze.
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Surfers "Paradise", Queensland

I think we've all had days on which we've been disappointed. For Dave, it was the day The A-Team got cancelled. I was particularly gutted when I found out Father Christmas wasn't real. Fi was super down when Ross Kemp left EastEnders, Hannah has never gotten over the end of My So-Called Life and Woodie is devo'd everytime Fi turns on the TV to watch Kendra. So we've all had our fair share.

What does this have to do with anything? Well, my next stop after Byron Bay was Surfers Paradise on the Gold Coast, in which I'd only planned to spend one night just to check it out, look around and relax. On the bus there the driver announces, as we enter Queensland from New South Wales, that Castlemaine XXXX beer is absolutelythebee'skneesandeveryonedrinksithere. Great. When the most noticeable thing about somewhere is the type of (shit) beer drunk in the region, you know you're not on to a winner. (Side note: I was trying to think about what drink the UK could be described as/famous for and I've settled for a Blue WKD or, if you're feeling flush, a Cheeky Vimto).

I'd also been told by numerous people that Surfer's Paradise is "totally like Miami or Vegas".

Well, I've been to both, and it's NOTHING like either. NOTHING. It's more like Blackpool. In fact, it's less fun than Blackpool, because when you go there you can at least have a possible brush with death.

I yawned at the skyline


Rolled my eyes at the beach


But I loved this


The thing that was starting to occur to me about Australia is how - and I don't mean this unkindly - prehistoric it all seems. It's just not advanced in the way we take for granted at home, whether that means the internet, the buildings, the general culture... there's just very little of anything. For instance, if you go into a book or music store, there is a) hardly any local material and b) the stuff from elsewhere is thin on the ground and hugely overpriced. I don't really understand why, but I did a little research and it looks like Surfers has only been an actual town for the past 80-odd years. 80 years. That's NOTHING. That means when my Nana was born, it didn't even exist. It's made me look at England's history and culture in a completely different way. Not that I'm using my Nana as the benchmark for whether a culture is old or new, but you catch my drift. (Side note: She is awesome though. I think she's like 85 but doesn't look it at all. She's super classy, had a cat called Piglet - best cat name ever - and loves horror movies. I love her.)

So... as you can tell by now, I was a bit disappointed with Surfers Paradise. It was grey, concrete and tacky. It was also raining heavily, so I put on my awesome little flowery rain mac (thanks mum!) and went for a quick walk. This is when disappointment #2 came in... I'd swapped some music with someone in my room and was really looking forward to listening to Adele's first album, given her second was so good. Guess what? It was rubbish.

Toodles
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Oakland, California

My last stop in North America before heading back to LA for a flight to Sydney was Oakland, where one of my friends lives with her husband and extremely cute baby. Getting there from San Francisco was easy; I simply hopped on the BART train that goes across the bay and, voila, I arrived 20 minutes later!


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Oakland is full of great things to do and, more importantly, awesome food. We stopped for pizza on the Friday night, followed by lunch made from ingredients bought at a brilliant farmers' market, then - wait for it - a full roast dinner on Saturday night! It was the last homemade meal I'd have in a while and it was SO UNBELIEVABLY GOOD.

First up though was cocktail hour while watching a hilarious TV show called Party Down (thanks to Sarah for getting me into this!)



Then roast chicken, asparagus, rainbow chard, Yorkshire puddings and mash potato, before red velvet cupcakes! Heaven!







The next morning we ate brunch at Rudy's Can't Fail Cafe - I had pancakes, fruit and syrup, and it was DELICIOUS.



So, Oakland is great - really relaxing and funky and fun - but more importantly, I was so happy to spend a weekend with much-missed friends who made me feel completely at home! Thanks Sarah, Will and Jack!

Toodles
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San Francisco

Here are some things I learned in San Francisco:

1. It's awesome, no matter how many times you go


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2. If you eat nothing but noodles and imitation Pop Tarts for a week, you'll start needing naps at 7pm every night when your body starts to shut down



3. If you put beer and a digital camera in the same bag, expect at least one of them not to survive the journey

4. Saying "Sorry I'm not on Facebook" or "Sorry I've got to go, my house is on fire" is a good way to get rid of members of the opposite sex who won't leave you alone

I think they are all valid life lessons.

Anyway... San Francisco is so great, it's definitely in my top three visited-places-on-the-trip-so-far. Numerous reasons make it brilliant; it's lively, diverse, no problem to explore should you not have a car, intelligent, interesting, vibrant and picturesque. It's also great for shopping - but, given that my travelling fund needed to last a lot longer than retail therapy would permit, I was nearly licking the windows of half of the shops because I was that desperate to let Mastercard have its way.

A friend and I first visited Chinatown (apparently the biggest Chinatown outside of Asia) - this is a bit of a tourist trap but cute and fun all the same. I used to work opposite Chinatown in Manchester, which is pretty similar, except about a twentieth of the size and it frequently scared the shit out of me when I'd walk past the markets on fish delivery day (nobody needs to see dying fish flapping about on their lunch break, or crabs that instantly made me think of the John Hurt scene in Alien... oh my god I've just thought - he's eating noodles in that scene isn't he? Weird coincidence. Now I'm never eating noodles again. By the way don't watch that film if you're squeamish or about to eat noodles. Or about to eat anything EVER AGAIN. Well, do watch it, because it's unbelievably good, but if you do, make sure you watch Aliens as well, purely for Bill Paxton and the bit where he goes GAME OVER MAN! GAME OVER!).

I'm digressing again. Somebody stop me next time I do that.

ANYWAY. In San Francisco the pretty lanterns and bustling markets make it a must-see should you ever visit.







Then we walked up to Fisherman's Wharf/Pier 39, from which you can see:

Alcatraz


The beautiful sea lions (you can read more about them here)


San Francisco bay


We also rented bikes and went for a mammoth ride around the whole city. We headed from Market Street to Golden Gate Park up through the Presidio then up to the Golden Gate Bridge and down through to back where we started. Oh yeah, IT ENDED UP TAKING EIGHT HOURS. ON A DIET OF NOODLES. This wasn't the wisest move. Later we calculated that the route was just shy of 20 MILES and, if you didn't know this already, SF is SUPER-HILLY, I'm talking muscle-burning-y, soul-crushingly hilly. I've used A LOT of caps lock in this entry to emphasise HOW HILLY IT WAS. The views were totally worth it though.



I saw an apparently-real Banksy on the way though, hurrah!



And the giant pointy building in the city's financial district, which has matching mini pointy trees outside (yes, I'm easily amused by things like this)







Here are some pictures I took on our bike ride. The Golden Gate Bridge is easily one of my favourite sights so far. Hope you enjoy the photos as much as I enjoyed the city.

















Toodles!
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Tips for surviving a Greyhound bus journey

I think I covered some good ground while in North America, given the size of it and the time it can take to get from place to place. I did this by hopping on internal flights, which are generally pretty good value and easy because you only have to check in about an hour before departure.

However, I needed to take a couple of Greyhound buses for convenience. The longest was only 9.5 hours, but they can take up to three days if you really want to clock up some miles. Here are some things I learned; hopefully they will help any of you who are planning to travel this way in the future!

1. The buses stop in the middle of nowhere and the driver doesn't really care if you are back on board on time. Here is a picture of the inaccurately named King City in California where I spent/wasted 30 minutes of my life.



2. Lots of people on the bus are total weirdos. No pictorial evidence of this because I was scared one of them would knife me.

3. Some of the routes are actually a great way to see some gorgeous scenery. I can think of worse things to look at for nine hours than the Californian coast.

4. Make sure your iPod is fully charged before you go.

5. Sit near the front to avoid being anywhere near the toilet, which will otherwise assault all of your five senses and make you want to shoot yourself in the face before the journey is over.

6. Take appropriate snacks. All layovers are in places with fast food outlets, so if like me you're trying not to return home twice the size you were, you'll need to plan ahead. I took fruit, nuts and M&Ms. Drink water, but not too much, otherwise you'll have to use the loo (see point five for why this is absolutely the worst idea ever).

7. Make sure you know how you're getting from the station to your destination. The stops are usually in the arse end of nowhere and doorways to hell.

HAVE FUN!!!
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If you like my blog, try this

I'm really flattered by the nice comments people are making about my blog and I hope it's as fun to read as it is to write. The blog has completely reignited my love of writing (not that I didn't like any of the THREE MILLION words I apparently wrote during almost five years at Adfero... yes someone worked it out) and in the process of creating it I have come across friends' blogs and funny little things online I wanted to share. If you have any you'd like to contribute, feel free!

You can follow Complete Ledge on Facebook if you've ever been mildly irritated by sales-type guys

This is a great blog by one of my oldest friends

Here's a new favourite about a cat (I told you cats were a recurring theme...)

This design/home/cooking one is by a dear family friend whose inspirational and beautiful talent astounds me more with every post!

This is my brother-in-law's blog... it's about his tiling business but I'm mentioning it anyway!

I also like this one even though I haven't got any tattoos - it's by my brother-in-law's sister, which makes me and her... um... something related!

Toodles
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Santa Barbara

I took a trip to Santa Barbara because I wanted somewhere to relax and it was also on the way to San Francisco, which would be my one of my last US stops before heading to Australia. Santa Barbara is about three hours by Greyhound from LA, but it feels about 30 hours if you're hung over. Not that I was hung over. I'm just saying you know, hypothetically. If one was to be hung over, a Greyhound isn't the best place to be. In fact, it's one of the worst places you could possibly be. According to someone I know. Not me.


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So, what's it like? Well, it's pretty small (you can walk across it in about 20 mins) with one main street of shops and restaurants, a beautiful beach, a generally laid-back air and gorgeous Spanish-style buildings standing between steep hills and the Pacific. You feel like there is a little more there in the way of historical significance and culture than other places in the US, but that said, I wouldn't go as far as to say it's interesting. Pleasant is a better word. Everything about it is just pleasant.

Check out the slide show for an idea of what Santa Barbara has to offer - and although it looks gloomy on the photos, it was actually a really lovely, sunny day, on which I saw dolphins in the ocean!



A friend and I also visited the Santa Barbara County Courthouse, which is super to look at and explore as it's full of gorgeous colours, textures and shapes. There is restoration work going on at the moment - apologies for that in the photos!



Finally, here are some pictures of a rather unusual vehicle parked at the beach. I've Googled it to see if the uber-hippy owner is well-known or if it's some kind of famous feature... and it looks like his name is Brother One Feather. Basically, he has decorated his VW Camper Van - in which he also lives - with tens of thousands of trinkets, toys, stickers, figurines, murals and general junk (a bit like the TV show Hoarders, but on wheels). But every millimetre of the van is covered. And it's all so... neat and tidy. I don't know how he's done it but it's truly fascinating; you can stare at each section for ages, spotting different sayings, characters and little bits and bobs.







And yes, that is Scooby Doo in the driver's seat.













Toodles
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Tim Burton retrospective @ LACMA

Another day in LA and we decided to head for the new Tim Burton exhibition at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art. Unfortunately, you're not allowed to take photos inside, but you can check out this link to find out more about it if you want.

Me at the entrance


Hilarious, touching, informative, inspirational and educational, the retrospective is chock full of drawings, sculptures, memorabilia from certain movies and funny insights from the writer/director. I thoroughly recommend a visit if you can make it.

My favourite piece was a letter from Tim Burton to Johnny Depp about the character of Willy Wonka, but I also loved this poem which came complete with fantastic artwork.

Toodles!
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And this one time when a cop pulled us over...

Back in LA we met up with some friends who lived there and went out for a nice dinner in West Hollywood, before driving back to the ACTUAL GHETTO where we were staying.

Here's a little picture as we stopped for emergency snacks on the way home:



During dinner, I opened a fortune cookie to reveal a highly accurate message from the baking gods, albeit two months late...



On the way home, "the driver" (I'm not saying if it was Dave or Hannah) made a dodgy turn into a gas station and the police pulled us over. It went like this:

Cop: Licence and registration please.
(driver gets out of car and stands up)
Cop: WHAT ARE YOU DOING???
Driver: Getting my licence out... I can't get to it sat down.
Cop: Get back in the car. (Studies licence. Long pause.) I don't understand. If this is a UK licence, what makes you think you can drive here?
Driver: It's a rental car. We're allowed to drive it.
Cop: Where are the rental papers?
Driver: Hang on. (Pause) We don't actually have them. But we can get them.
Cop: Have you been drinking?
Driver: No, nothing. The other three people in the car have, but I haven't.
Cop: Are you sure about that?
Driver: Sure.
Cop: Wait here. (Walks off and comes back five minutes later). Do you know David Beckham?
Driver: Not personally.
Cop: You're fine to go. But watch those left-hand turns.

San Diego and Laguna Beach

If you can't be arsed reading this instalment of the blog, simply check out this clip for all you need to know about San Diego. And here's a clip about Laguna Beach, in case you want info.

If you're still with me, prepare to be ENTHRALLED.

My friends (still on their holiday) and I drove painfully in the Chrysler down the coast to San Diego, stopping in a cute beach town called Laguna Beach. Gorgeous beaches, gorgeous houses and the only place I've ever been to where, in a Starbucks, Hannah heard a customer asked for her latte to be heated to exactly 180 degrees. On reflection, isn't that like, the temperature of molten lava?

Here's the beautiful beach:





We carried on down the coast, fighting over the music choices in the car en route. Mine were clearly the best but I was temporarily overruled and almost had a massive tantrum.

San Diego is pretty cute. It's quite small, but there is a lot going on in a place called the Gaslamp District; bars, restaurants and a generally laid-back vibe. We stopped for a Happy Hour martini (it was basically pure gin) at the House of Blues and then ate amazing Mexican food, as you can see from the mouth-watering pictures:







We then had a little walk around and grabbed an ice cream before heading back to our hotel for a snooze. Rock and roll or what!?


















Stay classy San Diego.

Thanks for stopping by.

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